


Death Downstream

by dutiesofcare



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Angst, Clara's Farewell, Episode: s09e10 Face the Raven, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-03
Updated: 2018-03-03
Packaged: 2019-03-26 07:35:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13853058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dutiesofcare/pseuds/dutiesofcare
Summary: "Don't run. Stay with me."AU in which Clara didn't run, in which she stood by the Doctor's side until her last breath.





	Death Downstream

**Author's Note:**

> For Nicole (artcapaldi) and Marion (laemnis), who have caused me to uncontrollably sob by the time I was done with this.

_“Don’t run. Stay with me.”_

His plead floated out on the tide, following a river of death downstream and he couldn’t get her safety back to the bankside. His cry whispered to the sharpness of the night made her heart tight inside her chest. She didn’t know a muscle could hurt that much – although she couldn’t even imagine the pain going through his own.

Because, _how could she be so selfish?_

_How could she go first and leave him to mourn?_

_How could she leave him behind?_

Yet, she forced the strongest smile upon her face; a smile obfuscated by the fog along the horizon of her situation.

_How could she smile?_

_How could she expect him to mimic the slight curve of her lips?_

“This is as brave as I know how to be. I know it’s going to hurt you, but… please, be a little proud of me.”

_How could he be proud of her when she denied his last request to her?_

She brought the palm of her hand to his jawline, cupping it, for she knew no one else would ever dare to do so. Feeling his skin one last time. Allowing him to feel her touch one last time.

Her warm hand; creating a bridge between their energy flows. Forming one last _dying_ bond between them.

_How could she have thought their bonds would be eternal?_

* * *

 

The Doctor intertwined his fingers around hers in his face, bringing them to his lips. Pressing his dry lips to her knuckles, leaving them there for as long as he could.

Because, _how could he ever let go of her?_

His shaky limbs met her shaky hands and they were frozen still. Although the tick tock of the clock was fastening just behind their ears, the Doctor and Clara Oswald were the only still standing living beings in all of time and space.

_How could a moment last forever?_

_How could she leave him to stand alone?_

And the sound of her upcoming words stabbed him and ripped his soul away.

 _How could he still have a soul when_ she _was his soul?_

“Goodbye, Doctor.”

He couldn’t let go.

He refused to let go.

_How could she expect him to?_

Unfaithful to her last wish to him, he tightened his grip around her hand. He could feel her pulse on her wrists; crying, begging, mimicking the same rhythm of his own _desperate_ heartbeats. Creating a music only they could hear, and only they could feel the sorrow from it. And yet, their music faded in the high wind, leaving nothing but a cold sound in the air.

The bird of death cawed.

Lurked like a shadow; reached into the darkness of the night.

Sang the songs of death.

_How could it so merciless rip her of her own life?_

_How could it so merciless rip her of his own life?_

* * *

 

Clara’s knees grew weak underneath and she stumbled onto him, using his skinny body to hold herself steady. Did he only have the strength to keep them from falling apart.

_How couldn’t he catch her when she fell?_

_How couldn’t he save her?_

They embraced each other, bodies tangled. She hid her face in the crook of his neck; he buried his nose in her hair.

_How couldn’t they become one and one only?_

He held her like he held his entire life. Because, to him, she was life herself; she was his entire universe. Time and Space lacked importance in comparison to her.

She gave in all her body weight to him. Because he was the only person in the vastness of the universe to whom she would ever show her vulnerable self. For she knew he wouldn’t lower his defenses to anybody else, either.

_How couldn’t their devotion to one another be enough to fix it?_

The flickering of wings grew louder just outside, _and they knew._ Her time had come. _Their_ time had come. Their hearts started beating faster inside their chests in fright of what was about to come; fear of the unknown.

The Doctor had no idea how to be alive without her.

Clara had no idea how _not_ to be alive.

_How couldn’t the universe just grant them another second?_

Although she had previously thought she wouldn’t bear to look at him in the eyes, Clara raised her chin up, seeking for comfort in the eyes that had already seen the universe. Eyes that had seen everything this life could give and could take; eyes that, however, failed to accept what was happening right in front of them.

When the Doctor dove into the blackhole of her iris, he expected to be swallowed in by them. For that brief millisecond, he innocently and honestly believed that their souls would come together and would never break apart again.

For that brief millisecond, he had been certain he would die, as well.

_How couldn’t they end together just like they had started together?_

“I love you,” he whispered the words she had forbidden him from saying; cried the only words he still knew how to say to her.

She was unsure whether her eyes had fulfilled with tears once again because of his hoarse confession or from the thought of what was going to happen to him once she was gone. For she would be dead, she would cease from existence, whilst he would carry on living his endless life, with nothing but the memory of her.

And the memory of how he failed to save her life.

He would destroy himself from the guilt.

The wind howled loudly, and she felt the life being sucked out of her. Her words barely made past the lips that formed them, “I love you.”

_How could time steal them away from one another?_

The raven impelled her right in the heart.

One last breath escaped her lips.

One last glance stolen from him before her eyes closed.

Clara’s eyes, that once burned like fire, now burned so pale. The life and the brightness in them suddenly replaced by a faint misty layer of all that she once had been.

_How could those eyes just close and fail?_

 Her body became weak and heavy, taking down the Doctor to the floor with her. Holding her close to his hearts; making her a home of his embrace.

A home he would never be able to offer her.

Making her a grave of his embrace.

_How couldn’t he give her his spare heartbeat, just to have her alive and warm inside his hold?_

_How could she be lying there, instead, so cold and still?_

The Doctor sealed the promise of his love to her by planting a kiss in the middle of her forehead. A kiss wet from his own salty tears. Pulling her closer and closer in the vain hope he could give his life for hers. Just like she had done for him, _so many times._

In a desperate longing that his own life would, at least, be taken away from him, too.

_How couldn’t he die along her, too?_

_How could she just die on him?_

**Author's Note:**

> Any feedback here or on twitter (dutiesofcare) is much appreciate :)


End file.
